Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
