do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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