But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
