i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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