dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
