my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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