so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
