Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
