definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
