Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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