They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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