Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Houston, we have a squirter
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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