someone owes me an orgasm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
