I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize