Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
