he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize