If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
