i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
