My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
