You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
