yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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