Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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