Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
