Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
