we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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