In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
