his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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