And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
