My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize