Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The beer is more important than you right now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
