A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
