STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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