Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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