my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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