I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
