I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
