Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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