Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
