he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
