All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize