we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
