Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
