Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
