I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
