My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
