they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
