You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
