I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
