wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He has the fingertips of a God
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