just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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