I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize