I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
