So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
