Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
