Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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