if i can run in heels then i can drive
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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