The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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