You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
