Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
