Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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