So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
