someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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