The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
