Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
