it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
