I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize