I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
