the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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